SPOOKYSONGS

Coffin at Your Door – Evan Belize

Have you ever been so confused after hearing a song that you’re not even sure how to react? That happened to me after hearing Evan Belize’s song “Blackula“, in which he sings about “Blackla”, who doesn’t suck blood but builds houses for the poor. It’s… so bizarre and goes on so long that I seriously thought I imagined it in a dream or something.

Oh no, no… it was real. So of course I checked out the whole album, and then this gem came on.

“Coffin at Your Door” is a story about the Halloween season, told in Belize’s thick Caribbean accent. Each verse tells another part of his Halloween adventures. And this thing has more twists than an M Night Shamalayan film.

Here’s a sample of the things we hear about:

  • Someone buying a coffin
  • Someone buying fake heads
  • Kids watching the Thriller video
  • Him realizing that Michael Jackson is weird – “What the hell / Are these people confused?”
  • Watching a play in Texas on Halloween night, in which a man chokes a woman and blood comes out of her mouth
  • Kids loving it!
  • Then Dracula rises from his coffin and bites the lady!

It sounds nutso, and Belize’s deadpan non-metered delivery is just icing on the cake. Over a keyboard beat that doesn’t sound too far removed from Wesley Willis, this hits that perfect spot between “This can’t be serious” and “This is maybe the greatest thing to exist.”

Pictured: Mystery

I couldn’t find anything about Evan Belize on the internet, except for this old bio where he claims to have received his guitar from a mysterious garbage collector named Mr. Posse. He has lots of albums out, I won’t lie, I have no interest in them. Do yourself a favor and pick up “Count Blackula’s Halloween Party”, though, if you want to laugh, be amazed, and get into the weirdo spirit.